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Engleberts in Missouri [miz-er-ree] :: http://www.engleberts.net

letters

In Violet’s never-ending quest to try every sprot known to mankind, she recently traded the Spring soccer season for a try at softball. Tryouts are in 3 weeks. As usual, this will require the purchase of even more sports equipment.

We’ve done so many sprots with various kids over the years that you’d think we’d be fully outfitted. But nope, apparently Amber’s glove is a lefty and won’t work for Violet and soccer cleats can’t be used for softball (horrors!).

Violet’s characteristic excitement at starting something new plus her love of wasting paper products, spurred this exchange of correspondence…

Dear Dad,

How are you? I was thinking that maybe if we practiced I would be good enough when real practice started. Then I could play softball. I would be willing to practice every time I could, with help, or by myself. If you could think about it and write me back that would be great!

Love, Violet

Dear Violet,

I will help you practice. We need to get a glove tomorrow. When we get you a glove, we can talk about practice times. Remember, it’s Spring Forward on Sunday so it will stay light outside much later than it did this week.

Love, Dad

Dear Dad,

Practice times might be good on weekends or certain weekday times like 6:30 or 7:00. I was thinking we could treat it like a real practice. I think I heard that practice on a field starts in April.

Love, Violet

P.S. Write Back!!!

Dear Violet,

I understand your excitement but the first step is to get a glove and evaluate how much practice you will need before field practice starts.

If you suck, we will need to practice a lot. If you suck less, we can practice less.

Love, Dad

Dear Dad,

I may suck, but do keep in mind I am just learning. The more things I need to know are catching, hitting and pitching. I’m great at running to a certain spot as fast as possible. I’m also good at dodging, so… I can’t get hit by the ball, right?

Love, Violet

Dear Violet,

Let’s throw a few balls around tomorrow after we get you a glove. Then we can measure the suckage. I promise I will only hit you with the ball once or twice… 3 times max.

Love, Dad

Dear Dad,

You know what? My suckage level is probably … well, I can catch…a little bit so you won’t hit me with a ball. Maybe 1 but not 3 times! And I can hit, sometimes. A glove and new bat would be great.

Love, Violet

Dear Violet,

The glove will be the first step. The bat will come later if you decide you like softball. Who knows, after a few balls to the head you might think washing dishes and drooling are pretty cool too.

Love, Dad

Dear Dad,

Ewwww, I will never just randomly drool.

Love, Violet



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