Engleberts in Missouri [miz-er-ree]

We’re home safely from our camping trip. No one lost any fingers or toes. No one was mauled by animals that look furry and cute from a distance but aren’t so great up close. That’s not to say, however, that there weren’t some strange/funny/scary happenings going on at our campsite.

Let me just warn you that 4 bikes require a huge amount of space in the back of a pickup truck. A bike rack might save you from looking like the Clampett family did when they packed up and moved to Beverly - Hills that is. We didn’t have a bike rack however so when the kids and I headed out for the lake on Thursday we ended up driving both Steve’s pickup truck and the Neon - both of which were loaded to the gills with “essentials”. The only thing missing was granny sitting in her rocker at the top of our pile of stuff.

Stockton Lake is gorgeous. I wish I’d been able to drive and take pictures at the same time. There is a mile-long bridge that takes you over Stockton Lake and into the park - the view is breathtaking. We got to our campsite with plenty of daylight- just as I’d hoped. The kids and I had practiced setting up the sleeping tent and screen tent at home but I admit I was a little nervous about whether or not we’d be able to get everything set up properly without Steve to help. Everything went smoothly though. We got camp set up fairly quickly, successfully started a fire and were able to cook wienies over the fire for dinner. Later we made the required s’mores and played cards well into the night.

Friday morning Violet and I woke up early to heed nature’s call. On our way out of camp, I noticed a bread wrapper on the ground and thought to myself “Great - some animal got into the trash last night.” I had put the day’s trash in the back of the truck the night before. Violet and I continued on down to the bathrooms. They were being cleaned so while we waited, we read a bunch of notices on the camp message board. One of the notices was a raccoon warning. Apparently raccoons are plentiful in Missouri State parks. They are also fairly bold and resourceful. According to the notice, there isn’t a container or cooler the raccoons can’t open. They want your food, they want it bad and you must either secure your coolers and any containers with food, or put them in your car at night.

With a feeling of dread, Violet and I headed back to our campsite. We haven’t tent camped in years and the really great screen tent had lulled me into a false sense of urban camping rather than wilderness camping. I never even considered wildlife when I set up our camp kitchen.

Sure enough, when we got back to camp we found our kitchen had been ransacked by the furry little bastards. They had gotten into our dry food storage container and had a snack of Pringles and Chips Ahoy cookies. There were telltale chocolate feet print all over the picnic table. Further investigation showed that there must have been an entire gang of raccoons carrying shopping bags because they also took us for 2 loaves of bread, a package of hamburger buns, a partial package of hot dog buns, 2 bags of marshmallows, 3 bananas, and 2 apples. They taste tested the onions, baby wipes and an unopened pack of cigarettes but decided they weren’t that tasty and left them behind. Lesson learned - that night we secured all of our food. I imagine the raccoons showing up with more empty grocery sacks only to be disappointed that they couldn’t grocery shop at our camp again that night.

We spent Friday at the lake swimming. The weather was hot and humid during the day, so cooling off in the lake was like heaven. We had brought along several tubes so that we could just float around lazily. They were great once they were all blown up and the lightheadedness passed. We had a little trouble getting the tubes down to the lake. I had tied the tubes into the bed of the truck but apparently not very securely. We hadn’t gone very far down the road when the tubes launched themselves out of the truck and , still tied to the truck, kind of floated along behind us like balloons. We stopped several times to tie them more securely but they escaped every time. We did manage to get to the beach area without losing any of the tubes or causing a traffic accident.

Steve joined us Friday evening after work. I was glad to see him. Usually when we camp Steve does most of the cooking. I really like that. So first order of business on Saturday was the cooking of a big breakfast.

I had been doing all of our cooking on a propane burner or the campfire, Steve broke out the big Coleman stove. It runs on gasoline and scares me a little. There was a small problem with the fuel nozzle resulting in a huge gasoline fire. We all kind of stood around wondering whether the flames would catch the tree on fire or if there would be a big boom. One of the kids grabbed the fire extinguisher just in case.
The fire burned out fairly quickly thanks to Steve’s quick action of removing the fuel tank. He adjusted the nozzle and breakfast prep continued without any one getting blown up.

Saturday we spent swimming and jetskiing. I’ve never ridden or driven a jetski before and all I can say is OH MY GOD THAT’S AWESOME!!! Those are so much fun! I could have spent the entire day just jetting around the lake. That’s not to say that the jet skiing went without a hitch though. We had rented 2 waverunners. Steve, Violet and Jon rode one and April and I rode the other one. Steve had let Violet take a turn driving the jet ski and during the shuffle to get everyone back in their original spots they ended up overboard. Violet was a little freaked at first to be in the water out in the middle of the lake. But then she realized that her life jacket made her buoyant and she just bobbed along until she could get back on the waverunner. April and I were minding our own business, watching Steve, Jon and Violet getting back on the jetski, when a big wave swamped our waverunner and we ended up overboard too! No injuries or damages, but Steve’s eyeglasses and my sunglasses ended up at the bottom of Stockton Lake.

We had a great time and are looking forward to going back on Labor Day weekend. Jon and April are planning to take the boater’s safety course that is required so they can ride the waverunners by themselves. Violet is bummed that you have to be 14 before you can operate a waverunner. On the drive home she was full of plans for a 14th birthday party that would definitely include jetskis. There will be hours of jetski riding for her and her friends. Maybe she will even own a jetski by then. Maybe. It could happen. Maybe dad and I will buy some. We liked it too, right? I just smiled and let her talk. I think she may have forgotten her birthday is in January.

I told you I had many stories to share but I couldn’t get any of them out of my head and onto my blog. I’m suffering from a severe case of writer’s block.

We’re headed out today to do some camping. We’ve loaded up the truck and we’re heading north to a beautiful state park/lake. I am hoping that when I return, the writer’s block will be long gone. See you Sunday.

PS - Steve was forgiven long ago. In fact, just acknowledging that I was angry seemed to make it disappear. In the meantime, a gray kitty with marks just like Tina has appeared at our house. The ghost of Tina? It was starving so we’ve been feeding it. But we haven’t decided to try and claim it as our own yet.

I want to share with you all the wonderful stories from our vacation. The happy times we had, the things we did and people we reconnected with but I can’t. I’m not ready to move on from the sadness I feel. I’ve cried with the children. We’ve reminisced over all of the things we loved about Tina. We’ve cried some more. We’ve talked about how angry it makes us when people suggest we should just get another kitty as though another kitty will replace her and stop us from being sad. We’re not ready for another kitty. Maybe we never will be.

I had a dog when I was a child. He was a mixed breed German sheppard we named Barney Fife. I loved that dog so much. In my mind, he was the perfect dog - smart, loving, loyal, fiercely protective. During the first years I lived away from home, I tried to find a dog like Barney but I never could. No other dog could live up to Barney’s memory and eventually I gave up trying. We’ll never own another dog.Tina wasn’t the perfect cat but I don’t think she can be replaced either. She had a unique personality that a new cat just won’t have.

It’s not just sadness either. A small hard kernel has been growing in my stomach which is churning away trying to dissolve it but it hasn’t gone away yet. I am angry at the senselessness of her death. I hate walking out into the driveway and seeing where her little body laid. I am angry that Steve didn’t check under the car to make sure Tina wasn’t under there. We did it all the time because she loved to lay on the heat of the driveway in the shade of one of our vehicles. I am angry that Steve was more visibly upset when my son accidentally backed into a desk that was sitting behind the van and caused a couple of small dents than he appears to be about our cat. The dents were fixed rather cheaply. Tina is gone forever. Part of me knows that Steve is upset and sorry about what happened. We’ve talked about it. I know he is a stoic and pragmatic person by nature. He isn’t the type to cry about things that can’t be changed. But it doesn’t make that little kernel go away. I will get over my anger. The rational part of me knows it was just an unfortunate accident. It just takes a little time.

I hate that my kids are so sad and upset and that there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. I didn’t realize until Tina was killed that they have never really experienced death and grief in a personal way. We’ve lost a lot of people over the years. Steve’s grandmother, grandfather and uncle died. Amber and April have lost their grandmother and grandfather Trimble and an uncle. Steph and Vicki’s father died just a few years ago. And my own grandmother and father died in the last few years. All of these losses were terrible for us but really didn’t affect Jon and Violet very deeply because none of them were people that they knew very well or spent much (if any) time with. They were sad mostly because people they did know and love were sad and unhappy.

Tina may have been a pet rather than a relative but Jon and Violet are taking her death pretty hard. The questions and recriminations are hard to hear. “Why did Tina have to die?” “If only I had been out there I would have seen Tina and moved her.” “I miss Tina so much, I want her back.” I don’t think until this happened that Violet truly understood death and it’s finality. I know Jon understood death but he didn’t really get how losing someone feels. It’s a lesson we all have to learn some time but it sucks.

Thank you to everyone who has called, sent an email or left a comment. We appreciated your kind thoughts and assurances that grieving for a lost pet is perfectly normal. My parents will be here tomorrow so I’m hopeful that Granny and Papa will be able to distract the kids’ from brooding over Tina.

Our kitty, Tina was killed in a car accident today.

Steve and I really weren’t thrilled at the idea of a pet but Violet had begged for years to be allowed to have one. We used to put her off with a “We have too many kids for pets. Maybe in a few years.” After Vicki left for college the begging was ratcheted up a notch. After all, we were down to 3 kids at home by then. After much begging, we finally agreed that Violet could get a cat. We picked Tina out of a large selection of kittens at the Humane Society. She had been born only a few weeks before - her mom was a homeless cat and her dad no where to be seen.

Tina was tiny and afraid of everything. After we brought her home, she hid under the coffee table a lot - Violet was eager to hug and love her but Tina wasn’t ready for that.

It took a little while but eventually Tina warmed up to us and we definitely warmed up to her. This morning, Tina was especially affectionate. She wanted lots of attention having been alone for much of the last week while we were gone on vacation (we just got home last night). Violet and I spent about a half hour petting her this morning.

It was surprising to all of us when we turned out to be cat people. Maybe it was just Tina’s personality. She could be really smart - like opening zippered bags to get at the hair bands inside. She was a lot of fun to play with. Chasing after hair ties, string, and catnip mice. She could be stubborn though - we had several battles of will over drinking from her bowl and not climbing on the counters. And sometimes we wondered about her smarts - we moved her food bowl and for several months she would occasionally go back to the old location, look around and wonder where her food was.

She was supposed to be an inside cat. If she’d stayed an inside cat she would be alive right now. But Tina didn’t want to stay inside all the time. She wanted to go outside in the sunshine. She liked to run through the yard chasing (and catching) birds and bugs. She was a fierce hunter keeping our garage and yard mouse-free. Just this afternoon she was catching baby bunnies, now she’s buried in the backyard.

I am surprised at how upset and sad I am. Violet is heartbroken. Jon is upset and sad. Steve is sad and feeling guilty over having been the cause of Tina’s death. It feels silly to be so upset and crying over a kitty but we are. She was “just a cat” but we miss her.

We’re leaving on vacation in 2 days. Other than getting the oil changed and the fluids checked in the van, I’ve done nothing to get ready for a vacation. The only thing I seem to be motivated to do is take another nap.

Normally I would have created a huge checklist of things that needed to be done or packed and would be almost done with it by now. Part of me doesn’t really believe that we will get in the car on Friday and head off on vacation. Probably because this vacation has been changed so many times - I think we’re on the 4th or 5th version.

We definitely need a vacation and this is our last shot at taking one this summer.

We need one of those vacations where you get away from everything and everyone and just relax for days on end without a care in the world. The kind of vacation that makes everything seem better somehow - love flourishes, romance blossoms, you and your spouse are perfectly attuned to each other. I’m pretty sure this will not be that kind of vacation.

First of all, the kids are going on vacation with us. That generally means that all of the activities (or at least most of them) will be geared to things the kids like to do. The things the kids like to do are not necessarily things that Steve and I like to do.

In addition, we will be driving to our destination. Driving in a car with kids means there will be whining, bickering and general kiddlyness. We will only have 2 kids with us on this trip. In a van built to carry 7 passengers. Still I can almost guarantee that will not be enough space to prevent arguments over seating arrangements. There will also be arguments over music and video choices. Strange but annoying noises will be made that will threaten to send a child over the edge into insanity. Restaurant choices will be met with disapproval and of course we will be asked innumerable times if we are there yet and how much longer.

The second reason this vacation won’t be a relaxing time away is our destination. We are not headed out on a cruise or to a romantic tropical getaway. We are headed to Green Bay to visit relatives. Relatives we love and miss and can’t wait to see again. But still, the days will be a whirlwind attempt to fit in visits to all of our relatives, friends and favorite haunts in the “old neighborhood”. Everyone has a list of places they *HAVE* to go to while we’re in town. Including me. Every day will be an attempt to cram in everything and everyone. It will be fun but exhausting.

The trip home will be made in one long and tiring 13-hour drive. We’ll arrive home just in time for my parents to arrive for a visit where we’ll try to cram in all kinds of fun. Basically, for the next couple of weeks our lives will be a whirlwind of activity.

Just thinking about all that “fun” makes me tired. A nap is looking really good right now.