Engleberts in Missouri [miz-er-ree]

I have been trying to stay away from controversial subjects and miscellaneous rants for a while now but I got an email from my daughter today who had read the Meagan Meier story and she wondered “Oh, man, Mom. What would you and Dad do if this happened to us?”

The internets are up in arms, gathering their torches, pitchforks and ropes, demanding the names of the despicable parents who perpetrated this hoax. Before I begin what will probably be my most disliked and controversial post ever, go read the story… I’ll wait for you.

Ok, now you’re back and probably thinking about where you stored your pitchfork and all but I have to say I don’t agree with everyone who wants to prosecute the parents who started the hoax.

Yes, it is very sad that a 13-yr old girl committed suicide. I am sure her parents and extended family are devastated. I feel badly for them.

Yes, the other adults (and children) in this story acted in ways that were ill-advised and childish and, to many people, heinous and unthinkable.

I have to admit that, if my child believed a friend was spreading malicious gossip or stories about them, I might try to find a way to learn exactly what was being said too. Probably not this way but still I can understand what may have prompted the mom to do this. Sadly, it got out of hand and turned ugly, but what they did was not illegal nor should it be. There are a lot of mean people out there. Should being mean be against the law? And if it is who gets to decide what is mean?

I am also wondering about the other half of the story. There seems to be a lot of info missing here. I also wondered why this story was suddenly getting so much attention since it happened over a year ago. Turns out that Meagan’s parents are trying to get a law passed that would somehow make these other parents guilty of ?? What would they be guilty of? False impersonation? Ironically, Megan was guilty of exactly the same “crime” as was perpetrated on her. She and a friend (the same friend & friend’s mother who created the Josh persona) had previously created a fictitious MySpace account as well.

It’s not illegal (yet) to create a new persona for yourself. You can call yourself by whatever name you want to, it’s legal as long as you aren’t using that false persona to break the law, like creating false government documents, stealing someone else’s identity, or defrauding someone. In fact, aliases, pseudonyms and pen names have been commonplace over the years. Actors use them all the time. Novelists. Political Pundits. Our country was built on them. Ever heard of The Federalist’s Papers? The Federalist Papers urging the ratification of the U.S. Constitution were written by “Publius.”

The internet is a big old conglomeration of weirdness and information. You have to take what (and who) you find there with a healthy dose of skepticism and caution. The ability to be anonymous online (or in print) doesn’t need to be curtailed. Often it is only with anonymity that people feel free to share their thoughts and opinions. It is parents who have to be responsible for their own children’s safety. We don’t need more laws, we need more responsible parenting.

What would I do if this happened to one of my children? I would blame myself. I would hold myself responsible for not having protected my child from herself. For allowing her to be in a situation that could have (and should have) been avoided. I would cry and grieve and never get over it. I would be angry at those parents and other children for their cruelty but I wouldn’t be screaming for their heads on a plate unless I was ready to offer up my own.

My youngest daughter is hard to figure out sometimes. She’s not a tomboy but she loves being outdoors. Climbing on things, shooting hoops, playing baseball with tennis balls, kicking the soccer ball around. Anything with wheels will catch her interest. Bike? yep. Scooter? yep. Electric scooter that goes 15 mph? Oh Yeah!

Here’s where the weird part comes in…she wants to wear “cool” outfits and be properly accessorized while she’s doing that stuff. A proper outfit for playing outdoors must include lip gloss, earrings and great shoes.

Does this look like someone who’s headed outside to play and get dirty?

Side-swept hair, dangly hoop earrings, shoulder bag, fancy shoes. Not really my idea of play clothes.

I’m not sure whether I am ready for this level of fashion consciousness either. She looks just a little too grown up. In fact, the longer I look at this picture the more I definitely don’t like it. The top - just a little too scanty maybe? It’s a leftover from last summer when, according to my memory, it wasn’t nearly so … so … I want to say revealing but maybe I’m just being prudish.

My older daughters would probably say that me being prudish when it comes to clothing is nothing new. We have always had pretty strict rules when it comes to what is and isn’t allowed to be worn. My daughter may be growing up in the S.L.U.T. generation but she won’t be dressing like a prostitot even if every other girl in her world does.

I know there are a lot of parents out there who will say that everyone is wearing the scanty tops, belly-baring shirts, low rise jeans and shorty shorts. It’s the fashion! It’s true - and it’s really hard to find clothing that is modest these days.

Younger and younger girls are dressing as provocatively as their Pop Tart idols like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Cristina Aguilera. I have to wonder if these young girls realize what they are projecting to the world and the responses they may get. You know, if you dress like a like a Ho, people will probably think you’re a Ho. It’s the old “If it looks like a duck” thing. And I don’t want my girls quacking if you know what I mean.

What do you think of the trend of younger and younger girls dressing provocatively? Would you/do you let your daughter dress like this? Meanwhile, I’m thinking Violet’s shirt won’t survive this trip to the laundry.

A little while back, one of my favorite bloggers, Lindsay, wrote a post asking for women’s opinions on breastfeeding in public. She was particularly interested in how women had been treated while breastfeeding in public and how people felt about women breastfeeding in public. She planned to write an article on the subject for the Nashville Scene.

I think breastfeeding is a great. I really do. I don’t think it’s disgusting or shameful. More women should give it a try. But I am uncomfortable sometimes when women breastfeed in public. I’m old school. The women I knew who breastfed would go into the bedroom to feed in private. Very few women breastfed in public and if they did, they would cover up a with a baby blanket or something.

There are a lot more women breastfeeding in public these days. Most of them are discrete, they don’t want to make the people around them uncomfortable or have their breasts on public display either. But there are those militant breastfeeding mothers who are determined to be as in-your-face with it as possible. They whip their breast out long before they have the baby situated and ready to feed and dare you to be offended. They get get angry because “People give you different looks and stare at you while you need your privacy.” Somehow they fail to see that everything you do in public is subject to people “giving you looks” and a public place isn’t where you’ll find privacy. And maybe they should just deal with it.

Anyway, I made a comment on Lindsay’s post that was somewhat smucky (as is my tendency) and included a mention of my 16-year-old son. Here is part of what I wrote…

I am uncomfortable when women just “whip it out” in public. Not saying that they don’t have the right if that’s what they want to do but I don’t like it. Sure I can look away (and do) but I love how society has gotten to a point where it’s always the person who is uncomfortable that is the one who “has a problem”. I don’t have a problem, I just don’t want to see your breasts or belly or butt-cheeks - I think you get the point.

Also, if my 16-year-old son ogles your boob while you’re breastfeeding don’t give him any dirty looks either. After all you whipped it out for everyone to see and if you don’t like it, I guess that’s your problem. ;-)

In yesterday’s post, Lindsay writes the story based on the breastfeeding post. I found it humorous that her attitude about public breastfeeding was actually more anti-public-feeding than my own and only changed because her new baby’s feeding habits make it inconvenient to only feed at home.

Turns out she quoted me in the Nashville Scene article. She only quoted a part of my comment and it came out sounding a lot more anti-public-breastfeeding than was intended by me but it works better in her article that way, so whatever.

I was reading the snippet from the article to Steve over the phone and my son overheard the conversation. His immediate response, laced with plenty of scorn and disgust, was “Oh My God! Why do you write stuff like that about me?!?!” referring no doubt to previous posts indicating that he is like every other 16 year old boy in the world. OMG!!

This is the last straw for my son, affectionately known as “The Boy who prefers to never be mentioned on this website again but whom I continue to torture and make miserable on a daily basis because I am a horrible mother who clearly doesn’t give a crap about her kid’s wishes.”, and to let you know that from this day forward The Boy will not be referred to at all on this website per his request. He’ll be like the blurred out face of Aimee on The Osbornes.

To set the record straight:

The Boy’s Lament

I do not ogle naked breasts
I’d rather see a covered chest.
Picture in a magazine?
Image on computer screen?
Shirt that leaves them almost bare?
I look away, I do not stare.
It’s true! It’s true! I swear!

P.S. Happy Birthday to my brother Raymond, an avid breast man for 44 years. I’ve heard he was a great nurser and his fascination with the Milk Jugs continues to this very day.

A new internet controvery is brewing over this billboard that was put up in Chicago earlier this month. The billboard, put up by an all-female lawfirm, was torn down after only two days. The billboard seems to be saying “Why stay with what you’ve got? Look who you could be screwing!!!”

It’s very reminiscent of the shitstorm that hit the blogosphere when Morphing into Mom (MIM) made her very controversial “False Advertising” post. That post sparked a huge back-and-forth debate over the idea that if a woman’s physical appearance (i.e. hairstyle, weight) changes after getting married, she’s somehow letting her husband down and is guilty of “false advertisting.”

By the looks of this billboard, men can be guilty of “false advertising” too. If men get fat or bald or lose their 6-pack abs or develop nasty farting habits that weren’t revealed prior to the marriage, well then, they can be traded in on a new model just as easily.

Isn’t marriage supposed to be about love and partnership and intimacy expressed in a close and physical way. Not just about whether your partner is “HOT”? Is it your duty to maintain your hotness? Is your spouse entitled to hotness? If you deprive them of said hotness is it “unfair” and thus entitles them to go shopping for a newer model?

Before trading your spouse in on a new model, it might be wise to take a long, hard look in the mirror with the rose-colored glasses off. I think most men and women are a little deluded about exactly how much better of a model they’d be able to attract once they’ve gotten rid of the old one.

IS marriage just a purchase, entered into after having selected the exact item that you wanted? Or is it a relationship that involves people who inevitably change over time?

I barely resemble the person I was 20 years ago - physically, mentally or experience-wise. I think I’ve gotten better with time in all the ways that really matter. I am no longer the immature, self-centered, table-dancing drunk girl with a nearly empty bag of tricks that I was in my early 20’s. Hopefully, when another 20 years passes, I won’t resemble the person I am today. People change - that’s the way it works.

My husband has changed over the years we’ve been married too. His beliefs and opinions have matured at the same time his body has. His behavior, in many ways, is more thoughtful and considerate than when we first met. I appreciate those changes and try to overlook the changes I don’t necessarily like. Physical changes aren’t even on my radar of irritants.

If you could pick and choose from a menu, what items would you pick in a spouse? How high on the list would physical attributes really be? Not that high on my shopping list…

• Romantic? check
• Picks up after himself? check
• Helps with house and children? check
• Provides well for the family? check
• Works out to maintain “cobra-like” back and shoulder muscles and 6-pack abs (note: this will require spouse to be somewhat self-absorbed and reduce time spent at home)? check

Why is it acceptable for a person’s beliefs, opinions and behavior to change, but their body is expected to always stay youthful and HOT? It doesn’t even make sense. Time changes people, staying the same is not even an option.

Isn’t “False Advertising” really a spouse who says they love you and then makes you feel like crap when you don’t remain exactly the way you were the day you married? Life is too short to spend with that kind of spouse.

What the hell are those soldiers thinking? Clogging up the DoD network with traffic to recreational sites! Don’t they have more important things to do in the little free time they get? Things like cleaning weapons, painting stuff green and planning more missions?

Sure, they’re stuck in a foreign country, far from home and family and friends, tours involuntarily extended but come on! Do they really need to be exchanging messages and photos with people back home? The DoD doesn’t think so.

If you’ve been leaving encouraging messages for Eric on his MySpace site, don’t bother anymore. The Department of Defense (DoD) has decided to block soldiers’ access to sites like MySpace, YouTube and other “entertainment” sites including photosharing sites.

The [Commander] has noted a significant increase in use of DoD network resources tied up by individuals visiting certain recreational Internet sites. These sites share various types of individual information with friends and family members (personal videos, photos, data files). This recreational traffic impacts our official DoD network and bandwidth availability, while posing a significant operational security challenge.

To maximize the availability of DoD network resources for official government usage, the Commander, JTF-GNO, [Joint Task Force, Global Network Operations] with the approval of the Department of Defense, will block worldwide access to the following internet sites beginning on or about 14 May 2007: youtube.com, 1.fm, pandora.com, photobucket.com, myspace.com, live365.com, hi5.com, metacafe.com, mtv.com, ifilm,com, blackplanet.com, stupidvideos.com, filecabi.com”

Eric doesn’t get a lot of online time. Normally, he has to wait in line for 4 hours just to call home for a couple of minutes. There’s a similar wait for internet access. Since he doesn’t have a lot of 4 or 5 hour blocks of free time, phone calls and messages have been pretty limited.

Steph got a nice long phone call from Eric yesterday. The first in a couple of weeks. A contractor dude that Eric has gotten friendly with let him use his computer phone. He also got a chance to get on the internet. He couldn’t stop by his MySpace site and read the notes of encouragement that his friends leave for him there but he did stop by the Family Message Board and leave a brief note.

For now, Eric will still be able to access our Family Message Board to get messages and the Flickr site to get pictures of Alex and the family. So, I’m going to post a message on Eric’s mySpace site and let his friends come to our message board to leave notes for Eric. Be nice if you see any strangers around.

And Contractor Dude? Thanks.

P.S. You can watch officially sanctioned YouTube videos from Iraq on the DoD’s YouTube channel