Engleberts in Missouri [miz-er-ree]

I’ve mentioned before that I view my birthday as my personal New Year’s day. So, I started out the day by reviewing the goals I set for myself last year.

Turns out I’ve only achieved 1 goal and only made some progress in 1 other goal. A generous assessment of my performance would be 2 of the 5 goal areas. That would be a Needs Improvement rating everywhere I’ve worked before.

Areas where I was successful or made progress:

Get a new hobby: I’ve taken up genealogy and renewed my interest in crafting and sewing projects.

Get healthier: I’m still not exercising regularly but I did make a lot of progress on the weight loss front - so far I’ve lost over 50 pounds.

I made relatively no progress on the other goals. Steve & I tried to institute a date night but somehow that never really got off the ground. Instead of going out by ourselves on a weekly basis, we usually end up taking one or more of the kids with us. We did manage to get out a few times but usually just for a meal. No movies. No dancing. Nothing fun. Sadness.

On the Being Frugal and Finding A New Job fronts I made somewhat half-hearted attempts but nothing serious. I’m not sure exactly why that is - I definitely need to analyze my failures in these areas a bit more.

Since I made such spectacular non-progress on these goals this past year, I think I need to keep them (with a few tweaks) for the next year as well. So, here are my personal goals for the next year of my life:

1. Get Healthier - specifically I will:

• Lose an additional 30 pounds
• Walk for at least 30 minutes everyday
• Get a physical including the mammogram that I have been dodging

2. Get a new job - I’m working with a placement agency but will need to explore other options as well.

3. Be Frugal - We still have only a vague idea where our discretionary income is going. I think the first step will be to start tracking all of our expenditures. I’ve tried this before without much success. The key, I believe, will be to do a reckoning at the end of everyday.

4. Spending Time with Steve - Rather than trying to institute a Date Night, which seems impossible to stick to, I will concentrate on getting some alone time with him everyday - alone time that doesn’t involve discussing the children.

5. Reconnecting with Friends - I’m enjoying my hobbies so I’m sure I’ll continue to make time for them. Now I’d like to make sure that I make time to spend with friends. Something more meaningful than phone conversations and emails.

There you have it. The top 5 goals for my new year. Let’s see how well I do this year.

I have had a hate-hate relationship with my weight nearly my entire life. I’ve been thin and I’ve been … not thin.

Sometime during middle school at a sports physical, a pediatrician told my mother that I should maintain my weight as I entered puberty so that normal growth would put me at the ideal spot on the height/weight chart. I became convinced that I was fat and began a cycle of yo-yo dieting that was more harmful than helpful or heathful.

Throughout my high school years, I followed a variety of popular diets (do you remember the Scarsdale Diet?) that kept my weight relatively normal even though I always felt really fat. The mean popular girls on my Drill Team did nothing to help my self-image. I still can’t believe that Angela L. ever had the nerve to comment on my weight - she should have taken a long look in a full length mirror!

During college, I replaced the growing up I did during high school with growing out. Through a complex combination of sitting, studying and snacking, I gained the “freshman 10″ for myself and my roommate during my first year at college. I lost that weight before joining the Army by following the Ice Tea and Tomato diet. Starvation is a remarkably effective weight loss method.

During my Army years, my weight remained pretty stable. Something about all that running allowed me to eat pretty much anything I wanted and still make my Army weigh-in. I even had 2 kids and stayed pretty thin. Too bad I hate running so much. The day I was discharged from the Army I swore I would never run another step and that’s one resolution I’ve been able to keep over the last 15 years.

On my wedding day I was a size 10. Still, someone commented to me on how nice it was that I had strategically placed the children in the photos to disguise my weight. What?!? I was pregnant by the time the ink dried on my wedding license, but after Jonathan was born, I Deal-A-Mealed myself down to a size 8. Probably the thinnest I have ever been in my entire life - 5′7″ and 125 pounds. Amazingly, I was in the best shape of my life during my Army years and yet I often felt fat and unattractive.

After leaving the Army (and running) behind, it wasn’t so easy to keep my weight down. The women in my family will tell you how we are doomed to have the “Smith” hips. It is true that genetics seem to predispose us all to a more curvy shape. Still, I’m way more curvy than I’d like to be these days.

I wish that I could go back in time, knowing that I looked better than I felt, and enjoy those days instead of spending them criticizing myself in the mirror. But, those days are gone. Now I am much older and I know that I will never have that body back. I’m like expired meat - past my prime.

I haven’t kept my growing out in check and have the expanded waistline (hips and @ss) to show for it. I have become that clichéd thing - the fat housewife - and I am not happy about it.

I really want to go on a cruise. Since I am the one responsible for planning our family vacations, you might wonder why we haven’t gone on the much desired (by me) cruise yet. I don’t want to go on a cruise as a fat person. I want to wear those cute outfits and swimwear without scarring the crew and other passengers for life.

So, I’m making a bet with myself. Lose the weight - get the cruise. This is the beginning of the end for Fat Me. It’s all out war and I’m going down!

I picked up Steph and Alex at the airport in Springfield yesterday. Steph looks good and the baby has really grown! He’s 3 months old now and is full of smiles and is a lot more fun than he was in October. I couldn’t resist giving him one of his Christmas gifts early (remember I told you about that habit?) and he seemed to really like his surfboard tummy time mat.

• Read more: The first step is admitting you’ve got a problem

Not from me! From real experts! I’ve been surfing the web looking for advice on how best to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself this year. Nothing new out there - no super secret strategies for success. Basically it boils down to this:

• Read more: Expert Goal Advice

Today is my 42nd birthday (at 5:18 this morning, to be exact).

Every year as my birthday approaches I start thinking about my life and what changes I would like to make in the next year. A new opportunity or a chance to change and grow in ways I didn’t see or think possible the previous year.

I’m not sure when I started looking at Dec 1st as my personal New Year’s Day but it kinda makes sense to me. Every year I’m certain that the coming year will be better than the last. I guess I’m more of an optimist than I thought.

Resolutions for my 43rd year of life:

1. Institute Saturday Night Date Night
   Steve has worked so much lately that it feels like we have drifted apart a little bit over the last year. Making a standing date for the two of us to spend time together seems like a good idea. We may not always get to go out on the town alone but time spent as a family doing something fun will be good too.
2. Get Healthier
   I have neglected myself for a number of years. I shudder to think that it has been nearly nine years since I’ve had a complete physical exam. I can feel myself getting old and creaky too - my flexibility and limberness are on a downward slide. I need to incorporate some form of regular exercise into my life. A brisk walk always feels so good - I don’t know why I don’t do it more often. I really need to lose a few pounds too - ha! who am I kidding I could stand to lose a 3rd grader. I’ve got a good start on this one since it’s Day 5 of the No Dew Challenge.
3. Be Frugal
   As I mentioned before, we’re used to spending whatever of Steve’s salary we feel like because we were saving my paycheck. I really want to get that Dream House in 3 years without increasing our current mortgage debt. To do that we need to stop being so frivolous and start saving a little more.
4. Find the Perfect Job
   I am bored, bored, bored! I’m so boring that I don’t even want to listen to myself talk! I need a job that fits the life I want to have - interesting, challenging, but still leaving me plenty of time to spend with my family. Violet is less than thrilled at the idea of me going back to work so I definitely do not want to get back into the same crazy situation I was in at my last job.
5. Get a new hobby
   I’m not sure what this new hobby might be yet. I’d just like to learn something completely new this year.

Today I’ll be ringing in another year by spending the day with Brad Metzer’s The Book of Fate - a new book by one of my favorite authors. So many books - so little time!

It won’t be the totally perfect day I’d planned - the kids are home and we’re snowed in - but close. It can only get better from here.

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